Until you have knelt by your own bed, alone in the presence of God, and had everything good thing that you have ever done revealed to you as nothing more than folly, a straw-man before your righteous Creator, you cannot understand the need for repentance.

To kneel there, broken, alone, soaking your bed with your tears, and speechless, is to know just how much YOU have done for the kingdom of God. Then you realize just how much YOU deserve God’s mercy, and to spend all eternity with Him in His heaven.

Only then can you know the terror of being in His presence, of all of your unrighteousness, of seeing and feeling every good work you have ever done go up like a puff of smoke. Before others, you clothe yourself in your reasons, wear your good works, and all of the right things that you have ever done proudly before your brothers and sisters, but before God, they all vaporize, and you are left naked before your God, your Creator, your Judge, in all of your depravity and inadequacy!

Before God, there are no words. There is nothing that you can say that will make a bit of difference. You know, fully and completely, that you have failed. Parts of you that you did not even know existed tremble and quake in fear. “Wrath of God” does not begin to describe what you see and feel.

Yet, you are not standing alone. Another stands beside you, it is Christ. Beyond your terror stricken comprehension, you become aware that this righteous Judge in front of you, full of wrath, cares so much for a pitiful creature such as you that He sent His only son, Jesus the Christ, to die, for you. Christ stands there with you, and answers for your pitiful, shaking self, and says, “I payed for his sins, Father. Although he has no reason to expect anything other than damnation and eternity in Hell, away from the light of Your presence, I paid for his sins."

If, and only if, you have believed that this Christ is your Savior, will you experience this. And, having been forgiven, all that is left is to crawl away from there with relief, awe, and thanksgiving. There are still no words, because none will do. As you drift off to sleep, and the ability to speak returns, perhaps you can pray:

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me, the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with your free spirit. AMEN.

(it was all that I could do...)

Rom 3:21-26 Jn 3:16-18, Rom 5:8-11, Ps 51:10-12